“The second Closet” (re posted from a discussion group)

Hey,
This is my first post in this discussion group so i suppose that I should introduce myself and give a brief description of what my issues are that lead me here. I am a 2 year old gay male. I came out to my family after years of self abuse and shame in the shadows of The Catholic Church and an upbringing that taught me “Gay is Sin, love the sinner but not the sin”.

My mother’s reaction to me telling her “I broke up with my boyfriend of one year, he cheated on me, we lived together for a year” sparked her question “were you having sex?”, “yes” I said to her. That day was horrible. It was on the night before I “came out” that my ex boyfriend told me “I want to end our relationship”. He had been cheating on me with a younger man for about three months, and though I ultimately knew that he was doing it – my co-dependency kept me in the relationship.

My mother has never truly accepted the fact that I am her gay son. As insane as it sounds, that one day is not the ONLY time that I have had to “come out” to my mother. I have “come out” a total of 6 times to her. Any other man that I have been involved with, and thought to myself ‘ well, I don’t have to hide my issues with dating from my mom anymore’ were shot down by her asking “So, what are you telling me?, are you gay?”. It is … beyond frustrating to say the least and after so many times having to answer this question to her, I cannot help but take it as an insult.

Friends tell me “she just doesn’t understand, give her time” but it’s been three years since I came out to her and she’s still not accepting it fully. In fact two years ago she gave me a book “Homosexuality and the Catholic Church” – a book which she felt was going to help me. I read the first two chapters … this was not a book about embracing Catholicism and embracing homosexuality like a marriage, this was a book about “renounce yourself and come back to the light”. This book brought shame to me – which then brought on the thought of “why would my mother give this to me”. The sad truth is – I knew why.

Not having your Mother’s support, not feeling like I am recognized as a person with emotions for another person who just so happens to be of the same gender as myself has left me feeling …. ashamed. This shame goes along with the Catholic faith that I am not allowed to ignore for sake of my mother laying hands on me and praying for me in person or in secret.

The idea that my mother feels the NEED to pray for me simply because I am gay …. it makes me feel diseased, wrong, defected and unlike a normal person. Sure I have expressed this to her but that just pulls out another bag of issues that were there before I came out. My mother is quite dramatic, everything, every confrontation turns into “I’m a horrible mother, I must have been one bitch, I must have been so fucked up for you to say this to me”.

Sometimes I just want to scream “ITS NOT ABOUT YOU !!!!!!. Its about ME needing to be acknowledged by you !!!!”. I feel this may never happen, so it is a road that I have walked alone on for many years, and its a road I will have to walk on alone for many more by ultimately having to accept the fact that my own mother will probably NEVER accept the FACT that I, her youngest son is Gay.

Going back to something that I mentioned earlier – my ex (the only real boyfriend that I ever had) cheated on me, he abused me and he took my love and affection for granted. I allowed this to happen, I know. But in the years that have followed the break up / break off – I have not even tried once to date again. I rather allowed myself to enter into the world of “one night fucks” with random young men who I knew I would never have to feel emotionally vulnerable to. This lead me into a downward spiral of physical intimacy with empty cases and brought me to where I am today ….. completely emotionally and intimately FUCKED UP.

I have trust issues when it comes to men. My father, three brothers and any other man in my own family may go “hey that’s awesome you are gay” – - but I’ve never been accepted within the “pack” because I do not relate to their “female” problems (relationship issues, and issues that any heterosexual male may have within the heterosexual dating, married or singles lifestyle). It is because of this … sense of not truly “fitting in” that I can’t help but feel like I don’t even know how to fit into the “Gay Male” community.

Gay men have always pinned me down (and not in a good way either) as “the femme” “the tranny” (which I am not trans) or “You’re not masculine enough to be a top”. I feel like no matter where I go … men either look at me as a ‘piece of ass’ (which I go along with, we fuck and then we never speak again) or as ‘A really good friend’ (which leaves me single). Ultimately – I don’t know where I stand in the company of men. I don’t know where I stand in the company of my family, I don’t know where I stand in the company of myself – because I have learned to shame myself every day.

Sometimes my life reminds me of the lyrics from Tori Amos’ single (Crucify) “Why do we crucify ourselves, every day, I crucify myself, nothing I do is good enough for you, I crucify myself”, and it is with those feelings – that I realize in myself – I have become a victim … BUT where is the road out ??. If I can’t find support from my family, if I can’t meet a man who sees me for the real me …. where do i begin to feel like it is OK to just be me.

I am a bit of a wild child. I don’t follow rules, I don’t believe in censorship, I don’t like “the norm” I don’t follow trends, I am a pretty “deep” thinker, I over analyze, I am also an anxiety ridden being who gets caught up on the “issue” but not the solution, and ultimately – I am a person who finds great fear in confronting the issue head on.

A (friend) of mine told me last night “You know, you sound like you are still dealing with Catholicism in your everyday life”. Sometimes I think to myself “yes, I am” (I recently had to move back into my mothers home after being evicted from my apartment of five years) but … is it really so easy as to blame a church ? or do I blame myself ?. How do I rise above these ashes, die to myself and re birth into a happy, proud and emotionally confident / intimately capable gay man.

I don’t want to live my life alone …. but In the years of rejection, my mothers ‘shell’ that I sometimes feel defined by and my own experiences of failure …. how will I ever be ready to forgive men, how will I ever forgive mom, and how will I ever forgive myself for the years of subliminally emotional abuse that I have given to my own self for being me. Sometimes I feel like I “came out” of the closet – but that there was another closet door in front of me …. this time it was a glass door, one that was more frustrating because I could see everything beautiful outside in front of me …. but that I still can’t get out.

A Return Student at The University Of Life

Hey everyone,

I don’t think that I have had a single thing to do with writing since I was evicted from my apartment in May. It was a process to get through, packing up in a week, going to court, losing (because my landlord basically told me I didn’t have a case; and I believed him) and moving back to my moms. Its been a journey, or is it just the beginning ?

We are now at the end of June which means if I do not post something now: then I won’t be able to truly write a six month retrospective. Now where do we begin? it has been a trying year full of tricky obstacles and many challenges. Though I feel as though it couldn’t get any crazier – - the fear inside of me sends a message of ill-fate and worry that it could all get worst before it gets better.

This year, I lost three beautiful people in my life. The first was my friend Melissa who taught me so much in the short two years that we knew each other. Melissa passed away in early spring after a long lived battle with cancer. It was in February that I learned the news of my Uncle Coco having stomach cancer; we lost him two weeks ago to that diagnosed parasite which takes so many lives. Finally, my friend Brad committed suicide late this spring. All three left behind family, friends and loved ones with sadness, beautiful memories and a hope that they are finally at peace.

Last week my cousin gave birth, 16 years of age, pregnant and yet … she didn’t audition for the MTV series ! (kidding). The baby was born on the day that her father (my uncle) was laid to rest in New York. A process, a journey of life and death that can only be described as dramatic, ironic and full of mixed emotions. Emotions that ranged from despair, sadnes and emptiness in the light of death to excitement, joy and awe of a newborn child.

All in all at this six month mark of the new year – - looking back on the final moments of 2010, hoping for a beautiful 2011: I never would have imagined the year ahead would be so full of  loss, fear and confusion. The good news …. there is always a lighter in your pocket when the tunnel becomes too dark; which is how I have learned to think of all this “mess”.

As for me ? I have resumed my employment with Venture Data with a new breath of determination to succeed in my daily interviews and survey dialing. Sometimes when you lose it all . . . you ultimately see the value in choosing hope over the convenience of  pain and suffering. I’ve experienced a lot of change this year and there are a few things that I must remember along the way, How have I reacted in the past to change, how have I changed what is needed in the present, and how have I lived each day to the best of my ability to follow my dreams.

At the time I received my eviction notice on the front door of my apartment I entered into a victim state of being. I convinced myself that my destiny was to suffer, I felt like I was handed yet another “Tower Card” (for all you Tarot readers out there) and that maybe this was the final Tower I’d have the endurance to fall from. Five days  and 80 embarrassingly transparent status updates later my friends each came to me individually demanding cut it out. Of course the perpetual victim in me felt as though they were being harsh on me, for what kind of a friend would call me immature, childish and infantile in a time like the one I was going through. Truth: they actually cared and there were hours upon hours when I could not recognize that truth.

Today I stand knowing that I am on a journey and that something in all of this loss, and all of this sadness, all of this worry, all of this uncertainty, all of this tossing and turning and choking up inside — all of this brought me to where I am now. . . in an open field at sunset. It is up to me to find my way home. No longer can I truly believe myself when I say “I will never have my own home again” or “I am a fuck up” because when I can foresee a tomorrow, I can also foresee an entire day full of endless opportunities to turn my life around.

In that field where I have ended up – the night will run its course, the dawn  will rise tomorrow and I will look back on this period of my life as a time where either I decided to remain as the person I always was in the thick of a challenge — or become the person I needed to be in order to live the fullest life possible and accept challenges as  a natural part of this experience.

My name is Sean and I am a return student at the University of life, I have changed my major and I know I will graduate through determination and hard work.

 

Eviction … Tragedy or Opportunity ?

So I got an eviction notice two weeks ago. The news came as “shocking” but at the same time I knew that it was coming. I was not able to pay my rent while living on unemployment. Once those benefits ran out, it was too late to find full-time work and I procrastinated the entire recovery experience by simply accepting the government checks and not fully applying myself to change within the constant stress of “robbing Peter to pay Paul. In the end, I was finally given notice to a “Summons to Eviction Court” notice on the front door. The following week I sat in that courtroom understanding that there was no way on earth that I would be able to pay the 997.00 still owed to my landlord. The voice within told me “Just accept this fate because there is nothing more you can do.” . Initially I had planned on fighting it, but with what case ? I (The Defendant) had no case against my Landlord (The Plaintiff) simply because I am the one who is in debt to this company and had no prospects to “clear this” before it was too late. The judge granted me 72 hours to vacate the unit. This did not come as a surprise to me either. I had already begun the process of packing my home on the day that I received notice on my front door. The experience leaves me feeling helpless, lost, scared, abandoned, criminal and angry. Each day I battle my own fears, and so far my fears have won and yet I reflect on these fears; they are not new fears! they are the ones that GOT ME IN THIS MESS. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of not getting back on my feet, fear that God does not want me to be on my own. Going more into the spiritual sense, I have begun to feel as though “God” is punishing me for the lifestyle that I lived in that apartment, the homosexual orientation that I lived in that home, somehow I feel punishment for living as an independent young gay male in my own home where; yes one night stands took place, a year long live-in relationship (or “Living in Sin”) was experienced and where sometimes I would engage in promiscuous behavior for the sake of “getting off”. (TMI?) I experienced many landmarks in that home, my first apartment. I lived there for four years. I experienced the loss of my virginity in that home, I experienced my first real relationship in that home, I experienced my first heartbreak in that home and I experienced my first sense of independence and solitude in that home. The experiences were both positive and sometimes negative. What ultimately came to place however was a sense of “settling” and thinking that I would be there forever. I managed to pay my bills through school, and come the 1st term that I was not in school I lacked the motivation to think ahead and forward plan by finding work that would support my independent lifestyle. In the beginning of 2011 I experienced months of seasonal depression due to the Northwest weather (no sunshine and a sense of isolation). I put priority on “feeling good” during those times by going out with my friends and generally ran away from the prevailing issue of being financially insecure and on the thin line between independence and homelessness. I am now homeless, I am temporarily staying in my mothers home. It is on the other side of town, I do not drive, I miss my friends, I miss my house, I miss so many things that I took for granted. I am learning this as I type this. Its true what was written in Joni Mitchell’s song (Big Taxi) “You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone”. I miss everything I once had and I regret the fact that when all is said and done (both in court and with my landlord company) I now hold an eviction record on my name which could prevent me from easily moving onward (when financially ready). Looking at the glass half full, I see this time as a provided recovery period for my finances. The road looks endless, the fog is thick and I have many demons to slay on my way up that hill. I have been at my mother’s now for almost 2 days and so far I feel like I am already “slacking” on the process of whipping back and picking up the damaged pieces. I believe in turning this all around to my success, I do not believe in taking this experience and turning it into an “end all” pattern. Finding motivation though and not allowing the uninspired voices in my mind to disable me however is both a process and a challenge. I wake up each day fearing that I will grow “too comfortable” at my mothers house and that it will take me years to finally want to leave again. I have to recognize this as “a voice” but not a reality. I hear myself saying “I’m scared to find work because I will hate working” and then I have to recognize that as the same vocal enemy that got me into this mess in the first place. I hear a voice in my head saying “That was a one time experience, and you will never live on your own again” and then I have to demand … I will live on my own again because I am more than capable, smart and willing to do so. The road to healing begins now and I have to face many fears and many emotions that I have avoided for so long. The same ones that sat in my head without action to cleanse them and ultimately settled the process of my slow demise into homelessness and that pesky eviction notice. OK … Financial plan : I figure that in order to move on from this state I will have to set aside (possibly) 3-5 months. Yes this is hard for me to accept, and GOD do I want to be on my own again NOW. But the truth is that nothing comes to those who do not work for a goal. I know that in order to move into a new unit on the side of town I come from and to live comfortably that I will need (first, last and deposit). I cannot stop there. I also need enough money to save aside for an emergency back up plan in case this ever were to take place again. My last apartment’s rent cost a monthly $500.00 which I managed to pay through my previous job and school loans. I figure to budget and save an extra $100.00 over that monthly cost (in my savings) will provide an emergency back up (should my next home be somewhat more expensive). My goal … $5-6,000.00 saved in the next 5-6 months. Having that amount of money will provide 1st,last and deposit, allow me to pay off my previous landlord and also have enough money for an emergency back up (should times become rough in employment hours). In the end (which really is the beginning) I am scared, impatient and upset over all of this and I feel like I have been HULLED back into the “unknown”, and as I previously mentioned … I have had a long standing “fear of the unknown”. So … Its time to say “If I face one fear each day, it is only a matter of time before I stand fearless”. -Sean UPDATED GOALS

Facebook …. 2009

I do not really write notes here, I tend to think they have no format and GOD knows who is really paying attention?. But when I need to express myself and hopefully find others who may feel for or agree with me, well then there is no better place to do it than somewhere where you know your friends are networking. I am gay, I have “known” since I was about 10. Growing up I really had a difficult time figuring out how to be gay and how to be a Catholic. I spent the better part of Nine years hurting over that one. The constant confusion brought me to deep depression, anorexia / bulimia, burning my flesh with hot irons until my flesh would open, cutting my skin with knives and contemplating suicidal thoughts.

The overall idea in my head that my attraction to men was a grave sin … it tore me up. How could God create me to be such “filth” when I was supposedly created in His own image?. How was I supposed to ever feel equal to the heterosexual men and women surrounding myself in society and within my own family. Would there ever be a place for love in my life like the others receive and abuse so freely?. You see what always had got to me was the fact that I had seen and known so many heterosexual men and women who abused their “natural” sexuality and slept around from person to person and yet the media, the church and the people did not condemn them for their actions. This brought me even more confusion…. it created such self hatred that I fell to my knees and did not stand up again for nine years.

When I first set out on my personal path to self identity, it often felt like … a step, a fall, a step, a smack in the face with a bat; get up again and walk a mile and fall again from fatigue. Until I finally dived in to the water on the side of the road and realized that life moves faster and the ride is a lot more fun in the current than waiting it out on the side lines looking at the river. So I began to go to gay clubs, I began to date, I experienced firsts and lasts, I dated men who used me, I dated men who loved me but I did not love them, I dated men who were stalkers and men who were like little boys inside and incapable of loving relationships. From that first step to the present moment, I have not allowed for the bad to kill me, I have learned not to let the good present itself as the “ultimate experience” and I have gained what I had lacked for all those years of questioning and guilt – - I am beautiful and I am in control of my body, my soul and my life.

Sure some of the men I had dated were idiots – but who has really gone through life without dating a few of those ?. It’s part of the experience, and it excited me to have those experiences because I finally felt like I was LIVING. Like I said, I had spent so many years living vicariously through others and on the side lines for fear of hell fire and the sense of perversion. Experience set me free, I had to learn my mistakes, I had to learn what I was missing I had to learn who I was, and I had to learn how to love myself and others again for I had grown up with a message that there are two loves in life; a love between a man and a woman and the love of God for His people – it was a message that segregated me out from any spiritual belief in the same God my mother believed in and so I went on to believe myself (during those pre experienced years) as a sexual deviant.

In a world where “coming out” to many means losing the ones you love, I had kept my sexuality a secret from my mother for years – in fact she was the last to know. I had feared the day that she’d turn her back on me or often wondered if she would. I even had nightmares about it, that I would show up to Christmas parties and she would not invite me into her home or that once invited the party would turn into an intervention on me with family members telling me I was “sick” and “need help”. On the day that I finally came out to my mother – I had just broken up with my boyfriend of a year. It was a hard experience in itself to deal with but I could not go at it alone and so I finally revealed myself to my mother. With tears and fear my mother felt typical of many parents out there dealing with the coming out of their children; she felt guilt, she felt fear and she felt responsible. She also felt the need to blame others from the past and try and create a “reason” as to why I was attracted to men. Thus blaming ex boyfriends for “pulling” me into homosexuality – and suggesting that I was perhaps brainwashed by confusion into being attracted to men.

Beyond her reasoning, my mother explained to me that God was telling her to tell me – that my soul is in question. She also attacked my dancing/performing gigs @ club PYNK calling them “slutty” and “glorifying sex”. I tried to calm her down … tried to explain the dances we have done in some lame attempt to defend myself. She would not listen, for somehow like a lion to its prey she’d zeroed in on my lifestyle and felt that it was important to express to me that she was “terrified for” my soul. I brought up my brother Matthew to her and asked her if she’d felt this for his soul when he had brought girlfriends around for years who we all knew he was sleeping with, or the countless amount of girls that he’d fucked for a night and never spoke to again. “I have talked to Matthew about his life and I feel the same for him as I do you Sean” she defended. “So you tell me this mom” I said, “why is it that when Matthew fucks a girl you feel ‘concerned’ and yet when I have been celibate now for months on end … you feel my soul is on the track to hell?”……

I could go into the details, I could paint a picture of how much this conversation has hurt me or how intensely it has left me feeling once more “less than” but I would rather …. say the following.

The conversation between my mother and I only supported the anger that I have built up against the church in the last years. I find it to be VERY disgusting that I cannot celebrate with others in the peace and love of Christ without feeling like I am the alchoholic uncle at the family gathering that everyone’s been talking about. This fight left me against the wall, my mother compared homosexuality to “going out and fucking men women and dogs”, and also left me feeling ashamed of myself. Ultimately I know that there is no shame for who I am, I love myself and I love the choices that I have made. Life is love it’s not a fucking bible. Life is not what you make it through the eyes of the saints but rather living the life of a great man so that someday you may become one yourself. People make decisions to move forward or stay the same. Did I want to stay the same ? HELL NO. So I decided to live for me – I decided to live for the morals I believe in which are still in the light of “christ”. Is sex the enemy ? NO. Is Homosexuality the greatest sin …. no.

It’s conversations and conversions like the conversation briefly explained above that has not only created immorality in the world but has taken Gods children and thrown them into prison camps. Spirituality is a conversation and a walk between man and our creator – it’s not a set of fucking rules that live with us like the weight watchers points system “Oops !!! I went over my Sin limit for today, time to hit the excorcism-gym” and yet so many Christians out there in the media continue to hold the masses down through their fucked up set of re written morals.

My mother can’t understand where I come from and I can’t understand where she is coming from. I suppose that hurts the most is what’s happening on the inside. I can’t look at my mother and feel as though she truly appreciates me for who I am. She defended her fight for my soul as “I want you to be happy” – what she did not know is that happiness is in my current lifestyle – and unhappiness is what she witnessed when she nearly had to throw me into a hospital for malnutrition and body mutilation. I cannot change my mothers beliefs and I cannot change the church … but I can spread TOLERANCE. And that’s what she claims the “gay movement” is wrong for.

If Jesus Christ himself were here today – would he not be defending the rights of EVERYONE?. Did Christ not DIE for the souls of ALL who “sin”. Did mother Mary pray for all those who fell including those within her own circle?. So where is the love … where is the tolerance, where is the education?. It’s not in the Bible – or maybe it is …. but so many men and women read the Bible and take it’s words literally as though the hand of God is going to slash their pitiful existence off the planet. Let me tell you something . . IF YOU ARE ALIVE AND IF YOU ARE READING THIS WITH CONSCIOUS THOUGHT AND BREATH, EMOTION OR FEELING ….. then God loved you enough to give you a life, a purpose and a reason to love in return. So when I fall in love with a man … if I help the needy, if I act in charity – am I not equally held accountable for the acts of love as I am for the acts of malice?.

I barely understand how to conclude this – as I have so much to say, so many emotions that I wish to share. I think the thing that I need to say though is that I am hurt that someone I love so much has created a gap between us that should not be there. I am frustrated that I had to come out again yesterday … a process that any LGBT person can tell you can be as traumatic as birth. I was slammed against a wall violently and I resent the fact that I had to fight my own mother to get off of that wall. I love my mom, and I love myself. We do not see eye to eye on this situation. But life’s gotten a little bit harder now that I sub consciously understand my mothers disprove for my nature. Ultimately the conversation in itself came from out of nowhere and I felt like a child molester or something. Those nightmares …. they came true yesterday – my mother had to inform me of my sickness.

Has “Man” become “God” Or Are we Taking This All Too Literally ?

And this would be the bullshit that should not get under my skin but ultimately gets deeper than a genital wart. And it’s not exactly what shes saying that’s pissing me off because we’ve heard it all before, God so sayeth the homos are deviants etc, etc. Its the fact that this woman is  CHOOSING to agree with what “scripture says”, the fact that she’s CHOOSING, to spread messages of doubt, feed fire to hate and that she’s CHOOSING to let the Bible rotate the wheels of her thought process and intellect.  Here is my opinion on faith : FAITH, is NOT The Bible !. FAITH is the process of loving others without Judgement, interacting without condemnation and without spiritual doubt for doing so. FAITH is taking a step into the darkness of your own doubt and believing that you will come out stronger for having taken a step toward understanding. It is NOT reading scripture literally, by verbatim or by belief, and  it is NOT blaming Homosexuals and the repeal of  DADT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell)  for the death of birds and fish across the nation.

The example that I have CHOSEN to share is the example of a woman who does not think for herself but rather chooses to believe in every single word that the Bible has told her so. Can’t you just hear the scratch of a record popping out that good old Christian Hymn “For The Bible Tells Me So”. It is upsetting to watch this video simply because it reminds me that the faith that I once participated in continues to CHOOSE (and there is that operative word again) to not allow “The Word Of God” to change and reflect upon the traditions and customs of the times.  Let’s face it, tradition changes and people change. Christians would like to believe that “The word of God does NOT change”. But where they once again make a choice … is to CHOOSE NOT TO BELIEVE in the fact that The “Word” was changed centuries ago by MAN. If you do not know, or do not understand this History I would suggest looking into the Gnostic Gospels (AKA: The ones they CHOSE to leave behind).

These neglected Gospels contain text which probably had no use in controlling the masses and using “God” to keep “man in cheque”. There are numerous passages in these texts which show the life of Christ in a completely different life; unlike the Christ we know through the Bible we read at every Motel 6, every Jail Cell and every “Church of Christ” that we see passing through from town to town across the Nation.

Choice is an action. It is a mental action in which we decide to go one route or another. When we choose to believe in “word” without investigation of “the word” then our own beliefs are inherently made ignorant, for we neglect our own point of view in this great world and we once more choose to believe a stem of consciousness that was created by the very men in robes, men in suits and men in power who condemn the world of their  actions TODAY. In effect Man blasphemes “The Lord” because man believes it is in his “God Given Power” to control mankind, to condem the masses and to create a new kingdom.

“For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory” … take a look at that last line from the version of “The lords Prayer” that we were given (which differs GREATLY within the original translation from scrolls) and you tell me, or ask yourself . . .

Has man taken “The word of God” too literally? or Has man tried to BECOME the God they praise. Tell me what you think . . .

5 Acts Music Blog, An amazing way to discover New Bands!

Hey guys,

I want to share a really awesome website with you. It’s called 5 Acts, it’s an Indie Music blog from “somewhere out there” America. I discovered the site somewhere in 2008 when I was looking for new bands and music. At the site you will be able to listen to selected tracks from “just on the scene” artists as well as yesterdays favorites. You will also be able to download selected tracks and get to know more about each band by following the blogs link to official websites etc.  It was at this very site that I discovered the music of Kate Havnevik, The Weepies, Kate Nash, Katy Perry, Leigh Nash, Vampire Weekend (Though I had already seen and met them at  a local show in 2007 by accident)… the list continues, but my point is , I want to share this site with you as my way of appreciating good music with my friends and readers ….

5Acts @ Blogger

Madonna (2004) Tour Opener

This video amazes me. As a child I remember my mother telling me “you turn that woman off the tv right now”. I was not allowed to watch Madonna … from the looks of this video (though directed many years later) I can see the controversial content which would make any Catholic mother try to keep her baby away from Madonna … and to this I say …. YOU GO MADONNA !!!!. From the book of Revelations Madonna reads -  -  – and you shall watch in awe, or you shall watch in horror. But you shall watch and you shall think ….

-Sean